Hi, and happy solstice season! Sorry I haven’t posted anything in FOUR MONTHS - I seem to be so overwhelmed with unfinished projects that I don’t actually finish any of them. Lately I’ve done some important (to me) things though, such as getting microchipped (the birth control implant) and making it to one entire year self harm-free. I also finally made my poetry zine available to purchase online, finished several batches of Fiddlehead first reads, attended dance class, and made almost no progress on my annual reading goal. I started a way-too-ambitious community sexual health project that has kind of flopped. I wrote a tiny bit more of my novel, and a little memory jog I’ll post soonish I think, and started several substack essays that didn’t go anywhere. Oh well. Y’know what’s easy and always fun to write about?
Next year’s ins and outs!
Let’s start with the ins: for next year I want to cultivate more motivation and investment in my own life. I think the combination of a lifetime of depression and a repressive family culture have made me feel like I have no control, and I’m getting stuck in resentment molasses. At the risk of embarrassing myself by sounding like a lazy woman-child, I feel like I don’t know how to steer my life in a direction I’m excited about. Not that I’m going to pick up, like, Atomic Habits or whatever my lawyer ex boyfriend recommends next. But I might try to take financial literacy a little more seriously. Very scary when you’re a working poor like me, but covering my eyes isn’t helping.
One possible issue I foresee is getting too deep into individualism, aka atomistic Randian nonsense. I think I’m trying to be more ~independently empowered~ because life in Fredericton is so isolating, and I have almost no friends who live close to me anymore. It’s been hard, honestly, because I feel actualized and happy when I’m part of a community and see friends regularly, and that’s not my situation right now. The culture here is car-dependent and spouse-prioritizing, and I need to live in a place where there are gatherings. Either that or try again to create an accessible third space community, but I’m struggling to find others who can/want to commit to these things. Capitalism keeps us all discrete. If you want to overlap, call me ;)
With these themes and limitations in mind, here are my lists:
In:
cakes, “can I be mean for a second,” calling your representatives, agency, financial literacy, leg warmers, massages, fresh herbs on everything, silver piercings, nonfiction, female-fronted indie rock, accountability, dance moves at the club, stars and spirals, chappell roan, peppermint, charm bracelets, time theft, queer opulence, continuing your education, personalization, campy erotica, generous reading, flirting and marriage, portraits, vulnerability and earnestness, job applications, wage transparency, peace signs, novelty film cameras, paying in cash, wordle and connections, lovebombing
Out:
midcentury modern, saying “it’s okay” by default, consuming stupid seasonal garbage like plastic decorations, free pornography, bows, celebrity memoirs, true crime, boygenius, competitive self deprecation, cunty little sunglasses, blobby minimalist art, popular band shirts, male comedians except for anyone on dropout, resentment, unnecessary aesthetic maintenance, zionism, trauma narratives, the marvel war propaganda machine, dating, learned helplessness, ageism, lined notebooks, florals, jk rowling, listening to the same music/only pop music all the time, haircuts, absurdism for its own sake
I think of these lists like little juxtapositional joke-poems, by the way - I’m not seriously equating zionism with the recent deluge of bow-themed accessories. I just won’t be partaking in either in 2024.
And now I encourage you all to be playfully judgmental as you think about the year ahead. Please please please send me your ins and outs if you make a list! I love reading them! Let’s compare and see how we can be ~in~ together in the new year! I love you!!!
Shan :’)