Hi angels. It’s me <3
If we’ve caught up recently, or you’re on my VERY exclusive Instagram Close Friends List, I’ve probably harassed you about your 2023 ins and outs. It’s like a list of resolutions, but in a funner and more forgiving format. We’re getting to the end of Shanuary, so I thought I should share mine, and give myself a little informal report card.
Here’s my list, as it stands; it’s been a work in progress as I continue thinking of silly little dreams for myself. The thing I like about this format is that it’s impractical, and lends itself to aesthetics and poetry and interpretation. The ins aren’t necessarily SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound), but they play generously off of each other and will hopefully surprise me with their manifestations. I’m leaning heavily on Sarah Ahmed’s theory of affect, the very simplest explanation of which is that objects carry vibes that signify other things and affect the individuals who perceive them. For example, a bowl of fresh fruit has affect; it carries associations of nutrition, fertility, domesticity, luxury, etc. On a larger scale, the black body (forgive the objectification here, we’re assuming bodies are objects for a moment) might be culturally associated with negative traits, having racist associations imposed upon it by the viewer. Ahmed’s essay, “Happy Objects,” is available here; I highly recommend it.
Objects that give us pleasure take up residence within our bodily horizon. We come to have likes, which might even establish what we are like. […] Happiness is an orientation toward the objects we come into contact with. We move toward and away from objects through how we are affected by them. (Ahmed, 32)
My list is all about the affective potential of stuff I want in my life. For example, red wine is in for me this year, even though I prefer white. Why? Because I had a glass of red at my friend Sorcha’s holiday party, and loved the way it interacted with the very dramatic, very Catholic silver goblets we drank from. I had another glass of red in my parents’ bath, in a ceramic mug this time to sort of match the porcelain tub. Then everyone and their mother brought bottles of red to my birthday party, and I had to regift most of them as thanks for helping me break camp, and red wines became a currency and a marker of love and good times. Red wine is a happy object for me, or has been lately. The affect of red wine plays off the affect of other objects on the list (religious trauma aesthetics, hosting, talking shit when the shit is true aka gossip). It’s like a little web of images and objects that I can explore and interpret how I like.
If you’ll forgive one more invocation of theory here, I also want to say I’m inspired by Jan Zwicky and her project Lyric Philosophy (find a great introduction to the text here). Zwicky talks about “resonance,” which is sort of like the ~vibes~ that emerge when two things are placed in conversation. Think juxtaposition, and metaphor. Why does a rose resemble a woman? Because of all the associations and traits they share, that cause the two images to resonate.
Hopefully you can see the themes between the lines in each category. In the “ins” section I see community and friendship, and being the person who hosts, and DDing, and gossip (not derogatory - gossip has important functions when used responsibly), and being the “mom friend” minus matronliness. I see a lot of creativity and confidence brewing for myself, as someone who never shared artistic ideas outside of classrooms for most of her life. I see myself relaxing, into a flexible but more developed identity. I see work that matters. These are the resonances, the affects I want to cultivate.
The outs section was harder to write, and I’m still not sure how to manifest a lack of something. Does more space in my closet carry affect? Can a lack of selfish, phallus-centric sex be an object? (If so, it’s a happy one.) I guess I’ll just try to avoid the outs and see how it feels.
Between the lines of the outs list, I see tradition and past selves. They’re things I did, people I was, places I went to, because they served me at some point, and I’m trying not to beat myself up over that. I see faith as out, which might seem pessimistic, but I’m just one of those snobs who thinks religion and spirituality are cons and prefers to think practically/“logically,” whatever that even means. I think it’s a western philosophy major thing, or maybe just a Capricorn thing. I also see a variety of ways in which I can stand up for myself, to myself and others. It will probably be messy. It resonates nicely with the self love that can shine through the holes left in this list. I deserve new pyjamas and home cooked meals and candlelight, just like I deserve to speak truth to power and also bullies.
How am I doing so far? Is the list working? Yes and no. It’s great inspiration, and I think about it a lot, but so far the most significant victory has been exorcising Ontario from my life. That’s been a huge task and hasn’t left a lot of space for ins. To be honest, life has mostly been outs lately. Losses on losses. But I’m working on it. I give myself a B- so far.
Anyways, you should all show me your 2023 ins and outs, and let’s see how our lists resonate. And you should check out my friend Jeff’s post on the same topic.
☮︎